Battle for my life 1

Battle for my life – a shamanic journey

It’s time to change; it’s time to let go,

The heavy wood I’ve been carrying just feels normal,

The hammer to hit out with,

The sharp thorns of my mind,

The uncomfortable feelings within.

They all must go.


I battle across field, I battle across dale.

Through the woods, naked open to truth.

I arrive before the Gods ready to let go

Just heal me

But they turn their backs,

They laugh at me and my simplicity.


Alone, I feel bereft of love.

Soon I’m overwhelmed with grief

The loss of childhood,

The pain of life,

Magnified till all is black.

Weeping with every cell of mine.


I let the emotions flood through me.

There is no control only black

Black, Black, Black.

I’m held whilst shouting,

I’m held whilst crying,

I’m held whilst screaming.


A respite occurs

A brief interlude of peace

I relax

I think I’ve won

What a fool say the Gods

We’ve not finished playing yet.


The next wave occurs.

There is nothing left inside me.

No desire for life.

No desire to breathe.

Just desire to leave

This God forsaken place.


No one will take this away from me.

I ask the Great Huntress to take my life,

Laughter fills my ears.

I make my plans.

I find the rope, I find the beam

From which to stop my stream.


Wait Oh traveler.

It is time to battle,

Battle in that other place,

Battle for your life,

Battle for your Soul,

Battle till the death.


This is my battle,

I have to win.

I cannot put it off

Or send others in my place

Now I am truly naked.



I start out with the stead,

Amour to protect.

Attacked from above,

Attacked from below.

I push them away,

As faster we go.


We arrive at the citadel,

Darkness around,

No light to see.

Entering in, the blanket engulfs us,

Now there is nothing to see,

Nothing to breathe.


Retreat, Retreat, Retreat.

We cannot win here,

There is more power here than we can see.

It’s a place of vampires, of darkened beasts,

Who prowl around those of soul.

They feed off light till all is dark.


Away I go to build my soul.

I call for help from those behind the sacred veil.

The King and the Sage together come,

Yet still I feel bereft.

An animal beside me, who I know well

We’re nearly there.


Then appears a gift from old,

A gift that was given with much love,

From one who works both here and there.

I see the gift and know that now,

Now is the time for me to use,

That sacred power, meant for me.


The gift is small,

Yet has so much power.

The gift is ordinary,

Yet beauty is all I see.

The gift is all around,

Yet is so special to me.


Within me, something awakens ,

This is meant to be.

This is true power and strength.

Not over man. Not over spirit.

But being with those who seek to heal,

Working both here and there.


We are now six but yet are one,

We are ready for what is to come,

We enter into the darkness once more,

Before us is the Darkness Veil.

She has much power but taken from others,

She knows no other way.


The time is now,

The choice is clear.

It’s me or her,

It’s time to kill.

I hesitate still,

She knows and accepts the battle.


I stand before her blade in hand,

Now without doubt I push into her heart.

I cut her up into many parts,

With blood dripping over all the land.

A fire, I hold, to burn her through

Then crush her bones again and again till they are dust.


I present the dust to those around,

The sacred ancestors who now surround.

They take the dust and go towards the light,

They heal the wounds within the line.

The line from which she took her power,

And those who went before.


Back to the task I go.

The citadel is burnt,

To dust it went.

All that remains is the blackened earth,

The outline of what was before.

Time for change.


Then the gift from old grows and grows,

It farrows and plants the seeds.

The King moves on the land,

Feeding the soil and letting it grow.

Then we see a great new place,

Of trees of Woods, a homely place.


We gather in this sacred place,

We shout “ We Won, We Won

Life is to be lived”.

The party spreads from man to place,

The tress alive with beauty and hope,

This place of strength forever more.


We as six did what had to be done.

We opened the doors wide,

We opened the inner strength,

We opened up my soul

It is with thanks within my heart,

The forest always there.


©Shamanic Pandemonium

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