One of the things I find hard is being confident in my path and then following it. I find that inside I have doubts and fears that put me off. Part of me understands that it is just a desire to fit in with others, a fear of being different. What I do find surprising is how strong this fear is in me. Surely following my path is a simple process, especially when guided by Spirit and my allies? What I’ve found in practice is that doubts creep in. It may just be a passing comment from someone but often it is just in my own mind where I doubt that I have made the right choice. After a little thinking what seemed like the right path then turns into a nightmare scenario. I am so well-practiced at this that I can turn virtually anything into the nightmare.

So what I’m having to learn is the skill of letting go. One of my friends sent me an email recently which had a beautiful phase in it, which I hope they don’t mind me sharing:

 It is not I who governs my destiny through any of the man-made terms such as determination, drive, enthusiasm, will or talent; but rather I am a bubble floating on an ocean of frothy, swirling, unpredictable mystery which is the miracle of life.

What stuck me was how doubt comes from trying to control myself. Part of following my path is accepting of what it is, who I am and enjoying the process. It’s not about avoiding pain, avoiding illness, or avoiding death. These are part of my path and mould me. Somewhere in this is a form of power. A path that is in the moment and embraces all that is in it feels a powerful path. What I coming to realise is how different that feels to what I thought spiritual power would feel like. I thought empowerment was about being strong – filled with power to withstand anything. What I’m finding is that it’s just allowing the true me to come through, allowing for the fact that I may be surprised as to who the true me is.

These are difficult things to describe as I find my language does adequately cover the things I want to express. It’s like looking at a piece of art and finding an emotional response at the core of yourself. You don’t know where that response comes from but the art transforms from being a picture to being a work of art. For me this happens when I look at tattoos, and what I’ve found from personal experience, seeing a beautifully designed tattoo move when the person moves brings it to life and takes it to another dimension. It’s about finding those elements within myself that connect me deeper into myself. As I reflect on this, I have noticed that my approach to this is intense and focussed, which is very much part of me. It is one aspect of shamanism I love, that each of our experiences is unique, just as each of our paths is unique. It celebrates me as the individual, growing on and following my path.