Life


Yesterday I was asked “what do you really want to do with your life?” I paused and gave the first answer that fell out of my mind, really to cover the fact that I had been caught off guard and didn’t have a true and honest answer to give. It’s not a question I’ve asked myself recently. As I’ve been focusing on shamanic work, I fallen into the mind-set of “Spirit knows best” and “Spirit will guide me” both of which are quite passive positions. It raised the important question what do I really want to do and I am in control of my destiny if I choose to be.

I want to be able to answer the question honestly, and from the depths of my soul. Not just an answer that I feel obliged to give. I have found this to be quite a challenge.  Firstly the challenge is how well do I know myself To answer the question at a deep level, I need to be able to accept who I am and acknowledge my desires without judgement. For me the driving factor is seeing people change for the better, in a way that works for them and helps them to grow. I also feel that this needs to build on from what I have achieved in the past, it is part of me and part of my history. I am a doctor, I have achieved consultant status through my hard work. No one else could do it for me. The desire to see people better drew me to health policy and working in politics to make changes for the better.

For me, my achievements stalled as I started to question the system and the fact that my desire to see the change didn’t mean that change would happen. It left me frustrated and isolated as I didn’t want to blend into the system, just for an easier life. I needed to top re-evaluate what worked and what change was I looking for.  I respect the system I was taught, based on information and analytical evidence. But there a flaws in a system which takes rational thinking to the limit and does not acknowledge the individuality of us all. A system based on pure logic dis-empowers those within it and doesn’t make us spiritually whole.

This brings me onto my second challenge, which is how I feel about spiritual work that is much harder to prove. It raises within me – fear. Fear of not fitting in, fear of getting things wrong, fear of letting people down. The last fear is easier to deal with, as long as I am open an honest about what may or may not be achieved, I’m not letting people down. Being honest and ensuring the people are free to walk away – empowers them and helps them to find what they are looking for.  The fear of not fitting in is great – I’ve always wanted to be part of the team but have always ended up being separate because I was different and wouldn’t just fit in for the sake of it. The advice I have been given is to find people who think like me and support the real me – they do exist. I think this advice is very sound because as a group facing our fears is so much easier than being distracted by them on their own.

So for the answer to the question “what do you really want to do with your life?” is that I want to build a medical service that empowers individuals to make their own decisions about their own health and well-being.  Everyone will vary as to what support they need. The approach will be to fit in with individual, to be flexible to their needs. The services will work with mind, body and spirit with the individual choosing which they want to utilise. Often individuals with health issues are in the middle of a personal storm, we need to offer a space of calm that enables them to work out for themselves what they need to do or have done to them.  If we look the health crisis as a tool of growth for the individual, the service then works to maximise the growth and facilitate the healing in whatever form. One of the key things that Shamanism has taught me is the importance of being flexible to the individual – the is no single right way.

I think that if I look back at the end of my life (whenever that may be), and that’s what I’ve been working on / have achieved, then that is a life well lived. To help individuals in this way would be an honour and may be we will change the culture at the same time. I still have doubts and fears but it’s time to start building this bit by bit, small action by small action. If you’re drawn to this work do let me know.

Love and blessings

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