When I started out on my journey with Pan one of the things that scared me most was his abundance of sexuality especially his erection, he is a sex deity after all. There are many myths about him being predatory and partaking in all night orgies which scared me. As I carried on working with Pan, I felt some of that sexual energy but really stayed away from it, making sure that I was staying safe. Well there came a time when I needed to explore a bit further as to exactly what the strong sense of sexual vitality was connected to. Pan is very good at reflecting back the things which we repress, going into the shadows to reveal what lies underneath, so when I was ready it was bound to come up somewhere.
I was working on connecting deeper with the energy of the universe, the life force within us and the whole of creation. It was a beautiful place to be, with energy flowing all around as it ebbed and flowed within my body. The deeper I connected into this primal energy, the more sensual the energy became. I felt such a oneness with the universe pulsating through me. As this energy rose within me it felt quite erotic as if my body was being stroked all over from within. I stayed there dancing in this energy for quite a while, breathing it in, and with every breath I felt more alive, more free and more connected with Spirit. I had this primal, creative energy, rising from the earth below, through the nature around me, dancing with every cell of my body.
Later on I journeyed to Pan, as I often do, and he showed me this connection from his perspective. He showed me a deep deep tree with the roots going down into the source of creation. Energy was flowing like a river around these roots, mixing and merging with each root. This was the energy that fed nature, that fed the woods around us and was the energy he used to exist in the world. He and I both stood together in this energy, flowing around our legs in a figure of 8. I could see in his face how he reveled in this energy, bringing him great joy. There was a light bulb moment as I understood, it was the energy of the universe, flowing through him that gave him an erection. What I had interpreted, and I’m sure others, as a thrusting erection and activity design to take power from others was nothing of the sort. I had been so wrong. The energy was a beautiful flowing energy within him, in fact very feminine, which flowered within him as an erection.
Pan showed me that this energy is not limited, and is there to be shared with others. It is a changing energy for most of us, as it connects us deeper with the universe and the creative energies that lie within. What may seem to some as trying to seduce others, was seeking those who wish to share this energy. One of the ways, but certainly not the only way, to share this energy is through the sacred act of sexual union, where this energy can flow between the partners. Pan’s deep connection with nature is the source of this energy for him, and it is without limit so he can keep going and keep going. Pan’s erection is a celebration of this energy, his pipes a call to enter into this energy.
I saw in front of me, something beautiful, that I had been afraid of. My fears had been based on a distortion of the true Pan, coming from my own repressed energy. I cried as I released my regrets of how I had seen him and asked his forgiveness, which he gladly gave. We stood the two of us, in the flow of this energy, the feminine energy rising up within our own masculinity. I saw that the energy of this life force wasn’t limited and could be used for healing. Pan had been trying to show me this for such a long time, but I had been running away until I was ready to see it for myself.
As I reflect on this experience, I see the distortions I had taken on and accepted. I had failed to connect sexual energy, with the deep creative energy of the universe, and I had pushed my own fears on to Pan. Pan loves playing with our minds, as a trickster, and working with our own repressed energies to give us a deep healing bathed in the love of the universe. Accepting ourselves in our fullness, however our bodies express these connections is the core of Pan’s healing energy.