In the woods

Reflections on walking through chaos


Well, life has certainly changed rapidly and quickly – generating pandemonium all around us. In my own personal reflections of what this means for me, I was struck by how much this feels like something Pan would be fulling embracing. He thrives in times of chaos, and producing fear and panic are second nature to him. The question for me, that I want to explore, is what is beyond the initial panic and fear?

Firstly, let me take a step back and talk a bit about working with Pan. Pan is associated with fear and panic, the sense that arises within us when we meet him. This was very much how I felt the first time in his presence when walking at dusk through some woods. It was a deep guttural feeling of fear arising from deep within my belly. As I got to know him better, I found Pan to be wild, effervescent and have the ability to show me what’s in my shadow. It is his ability to reveal our shadow side that brings up the fear and panic within us. I also saw that Pan is merely holding up a mirror to our deeper self (see Pan’s mirror), one that we find uncomfortable to look at. The fear we feel is not a fear of Pan himself, but our own inner fear of what is in our own depths, we just tend to associate and project this fear onto Pan. This projection is also societal as we see in images of Pan associated with images of Satan. Satan is the symbol of our collective repression, the elements of ourselves that we don’t like to see.

Now you may at this point be going, whoooaaa, what is this stuff. Working with what is in our own personal shadow can be very uncomfortable and should only be done when we, individually, feel we are in the right space to do this deep work. So if this feels somewhere where you don’t feel right for you to go then respect that feeling. Stop reading now. You can come back to it at any time when you do feel it is right for you.

Looking into the shadow brings great insights, but needs to be done carefully, with support and slowly. Self-development and spiritual development is a slow process with ups and downs. It requires an absence of judgement, to be able to accept what we see as it is without judgement and to integrate it into ourselves. Judging ourselves harshly, just pushes what we see back down, rather than allowing it into the open so that it can be examined in the light. We all have inner aspects of ourselves that we don’t like that we wish weren’t there, which is why we buried them in the first place. This is normal, allowing them out into the open can be scary at times but allows us to be a more integrated person, more fully our authentic self.

So how can we navigate the current choppy waters, here are a few ideas:
• Work on our own identity. When the world is changing around us, we need a strong foundation of who we are. Often our identity is based on how others see us, the work we do, or where we fit into family structures. These are external and can change, and in the current climate can change quickly. By examining who we are inside it provides a foundation stone on which to stand. As I get to know my inner world, the different aspects of who I am, I can see how these aspects play out in the outer world. For example, the part of me that likes to see change in the world – I can work with that aspect of myself in many different scenarios and still be me. If I have a strong protector drive, I can still protect others but in a different way.

• Work on integrating with the unconscious mind through the arts and creativity. The stuff that we are scared of usually sits just under the surface in our unconscious mind, yet will pop it’s head up if we start to look for it. Being creative allows us to start working with those issues to start examining them. For example, by creating a picture, that picture has elements that come up from my unconscious mind if I start to look for them. It doesn’t have to be just painting all arts and creativity can create this. The knack is being able to examine the metaphor before us, rather than interpreting it in a literal way. So firstly, notice the metaphor, what symbols and ideas are appearing. Secondly, sit with these for a while examining your feelings as you reflect on them. Think about areas of your life where the feelings are the same. For example, if you draw a tree, how do you feel about that tree. I find trees comforting in their stillness. Where else do I feel that sense of stillness or want to feel it? So, for me, trees are about getting a sense of security, which was very absent from my childhood. The tree is a symbol of building my own inner security. Again this type of work is slow, a steady flow rather than a quick rush, but every small insight helps to bring about a more integrated self.

• Finding stillness through ritual. Ritual is an aspect of life that is so important in grounding the spiritual into the physical every day. Rituals can be very simple, and most of us have daily rituals already that help us to keep grounded. In times of turbulence, spending a few minutes in stillness developing a ritual will help to ground us. Stop still and feel what helps you to feel still and yet connected to the earth around you. One of my favourite rituals is to find somewhere in nature where no one will find me and stand there naked, feeling the breath of the wind against my skin (it’s even better when it’s raining). In me, it develops a sense of being aware of the mysteries of life, whilst still being very grounded into my body. So, think about what helps you to stay grounded, that helps you to notice the breath of life breathing through everything around you. My best advice is to keep it simple and easily doable for you, you can try things that push your boundaries later. Start simple so that you achieve it and then build. Spiritual work is simple, a slow build, not a competition to be the best.

I hope that working on these 3 areas bring you a bit of peace and grounding. Pan and pandemonium are aspects of change that are there to support us in our steps to becoming our fullest self. One step at a time.

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