Accepting myself and fire

Accepting myself 2


Fire, fire in my belly

Fire, fire in my belly

Dancing all the time.

Accepting ourselves is part of our own personal growth and for me a big aspect of this is how I see my body. Being bullied at school for being fat and hiding my sexuality from myself and others, has left me with a negative self image. I have a good mask to hide this, but the insecurities are there. So I have been struggling when Spirit asks me to be naked for spiritual work. Inside I’m going “What the F*ck, people will just think I’m odd or some sexual deviant.”

I don’t mind being naked on my own, and often spend time in nature naked, sitting by the trees. But I always choose an area where no one goes and spend a lot of energy listening out for others. I just think it is odd to undertake shamanic work naked, when everyone else clothed. This leaves me with a quandary when Spirit is becoming clearer in what is being asked. One thing that I am learning when working with Spirit is to give things time. Not to panic that I have to have an answer now but that an answer will come.

Over the past few weeks I’ve had a few prompts to go to  Sacred Body Art,  a weekend of sacred body painting.  I eventually gave it a go this last weekend. I had an amazing experience. It involves full body painting, so yes I was naked in front of other people. I am very grateful that this was done in a respectful way by everyone. Firstly by holding the experience as a sacred space. Secondly, those painting me were very good at putting me at rest. Standing naked, there is nowhere to hide, as my body was cover head to toe with paint. I did find it difficult to have others painting me but I felt respected by all. However I, or my body responded, was fine with no judgement. I felt free to allow myself to be fully me.

As I stood there, I became more accepting of myself. It wasn’t a sudden transformation, but came over me gradually. A shifting of my internal voice, to more acceptance of how I look and who I am.

Accepting the Spirit of Fire

I’m fully painted from head to toe (except for my tattoo which is still visable) as fire. Standing in front of the fire I start to dance and feel the energy flowing through out my body. I love such primal energies that flow through me. Part of me feels ashamed of how they make me feel. As I continue to dance, I feel myself accepting these feelings as part of me. I start to embrace all the energy open to me. I give thanks for the spirit of fire within me. The fire in my belly, dancing all around. I can’t fully describe how it feels, I don’t want to label it as it will take away from what I felt. The energy flowed and flowed.

Accepting fire

Accepting Spirit of Fire flow

I also had the privilege of paining someone else and watching them go through their process.There was joy and laughter at all that life brings.

So my work with Spirit continues. Increasingly my ceremonial clothes are my skin, with more and more tattoos which make it feel more sacred. I am being challenged on accepting my path, and I am growing as I work on this.

Love and Blessings

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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2 thoughts on “Accepting myself

  • Elaine Gregory

    Thank you Richard, for having the faith and courage to join us. I understand the bullying thing as it happened to me. It was at the village school and I still live outside the same village. I still also feel as if I live outside. It was a horrible experience and made me mistrust my fellow humans to the point of not wanting to join any groups. This only changed in recent years. I’m in my 60’s now so its taken a long time. I’m slowly beginning to trust folk in the village. I prefer my slightly ‘odd’ pagan friends as many of them come from the fringes, like me. You were lovely to work with. It is always a privilege to see new people come and fun to take the photos – especially the delight as folk chuck buckets of water over people to wash off the paint at the end of the session! – Including the grumps from the photographers as they mistime the click and miss the water spray..
    Lots of Love, Elaine